I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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