i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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