But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
