What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Do you remember whose house we're in?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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