just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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