youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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