i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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