She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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