I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
