On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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