Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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