Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You're a waste of cheezeits
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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