im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
