Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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