my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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