I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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