that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
