I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
