Fine. I'll sleep in my office
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
