he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
