so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
