Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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