we have officially lost it.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
