I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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