God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize