Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize