I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize