I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
