I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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