I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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