There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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