anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
