tequila makes me forget i have legs
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
