BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
