am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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