Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
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