So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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