Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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