pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
