I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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