Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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