There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
