Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
