someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
