Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So much rum. So many feels.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
