apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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