Soap is not a condiment
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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