I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
