Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
