omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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