I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
