She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
