Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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