I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
