Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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