sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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