Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
