You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
