Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
