i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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