she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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