I met the friendliest cop last night
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
