When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
