dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
you made out with another girl for some wings
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
