No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
