just tell him i said nine months
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
