you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
