so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
