Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
