used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize