Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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