Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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