If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
